I fall in love with tennis As a young girl living in Nigeria I love ball sounds Bouncing off rackets and ground Flying through space I love the microcosm Of suspense and drama Playing out on courts Across Earth
For a few years I play indoor adult women’s Competitive tennis It’s a break for me to Slip into a cute tennis skirt Out of my career and graduate school Into moving ball play
One afternoon I show up for a match Relaxed and happy Yet immediately read The woman’s energy And know that something is Unfolding
Like most of the women I play She’s in her mid-40’s Accessorized to the max As is the norm on these courts
We say hello and shake hands She looks at me as if she knows me well To me She appears to be a stranger Just another tennis lady
We start playing Even in the warm up Something feels off She’s hitting harder I feel her frustration I feel a rage Radiating out of her Across the net To me
We begin our match She plays each point as if it’s the End of the world She plays each point As if it matters We play in silence Yet I keep tasting rage Anytime she looses a point
“I’ve been thinking about you all year since we last played and you beat me.” She says to break the silence I don’t respond I scan my mind to try to remember Our last match I have no recollection
“I have our score up on my fridge to help me remember I’ve been practicing hard To beat you on this round I should have beat you In that match.”
Wow
Now with her added words Rage energy increases I feel her tense up As if angry with herself even more For having shared
“Really?” I play for fun This is my escape from work and school.” My response seems to anger her Even more
We fall back into silence And play out points Her aggression continues to increase And my first raw response Is that I’ll fucking beat her I know when I focus I simply win What if I mirror her rage And we battle this out?
That lasts a few points This rage is not mine For the few minutes of tasting it Having fed off hers It’s the most rage I’ve felt As far back as I recall I’m not a rage girl
What are my options? I taste her fury increasing When she wins a point She feeds her own ego When she looses a point Her fury feeds her
Do I simply let her win? Do I give her the pleasure Of knowing that she beat me? Do I cream her? Or do I play causally And let it gently play out?
I give her a few points And feel her fury increase She knows I let her get those points
This is insane! I didn’t know that this woman exists And in her mind I’m her nemesis OMG, I’m someone’s Tennis nemesis
We play for a few more minutes Each point still is life and death to her I come out of my head and into my body This game feels horrible in my body I don’t deserve to feel this way On a tennis court
I stop playing Walk towards the net I’m shaking a bit with the energy “I forfeit. I can’t play with your energy I don’t understand your anger at me I play competitive tennis for fun End of match.”
I begin walking back to the bench To pack up “You can’t do that!” She practically yells at me “I’m free to do whatever I wish.” I say back gently
Once I’m off the court I wonder about her Was that woman aware Of her obsession and rage? Who was that woman?
And did she learn anything From my response of choosing To not play her And instead To walk away?
******************************WE ARE ALL STARS***************************
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