SEARCHING FOR MY HEART
Northern Virginia
1995-2005

My mystical childhood and teen years
Shattered me over and over
After surviving that
In my late 20's
I chose to begin living
The type of life
That others seemed to enjoy
It felt more normal
Than anything I had ever lived

I had an awesome government job
That allowed me to craft my own projects
Working from home on flex time
I had a well-fitted partner
I was working my way through school
I had friends and dogs and cats
I owned a home
It was all perfect
Yet it was someone else’s perfect life
Not mine

What was this life of mine that beckoned?

How was it possible that I felt so little?
Where was my heart in this new life of mine?

After adopting my animals
I felt myself drop out of my head
And a bit more into my heart
I craved more of the heart
Yet had no idea how to go deeper within
Past the triple-enforced walls

Years ago
Suspended in a life that didn't feel like mine
I spent hours
Looking at homeless animal websites
Reading the dogs’ stories
Envisioning each dog
Sitting alone in a cage
To feel my heart stir

Is this it?
Is this who I am?
Am I here to read through homeless animal
Websites?
How do I crack into this frozen heart of mine?
How do I live this authentic
Life of mine?

I finally had to find the raw strength
to declare intent
Again
I am here to live a vibrant life
I am here to contribute to this home of ours
I am here to bring light and love
I am here to be.

******************************WE ARE ALL STARS***************************

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Printed version available upon request.
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